Wisdom

Proverbs 16:1
We can make our own plans, but the Lord gives the right answer.

I’ve heard it said, “If you want to see God laugh, make plans.” Though said in jest, it often feels all to true to me. I have welcomed some of the biggest blessings in my life with tears and unbelief. I have three amazing daughters. But before the first was born, I had a miscarriage.

When I found out I was pregnant, I celebrated! I calculated the due date, I called my family and friends, I pictured what the nursery would look like. I had a list of names before the words were out of the doctor’s mouth. I had big plans! A few weeks later, I learned a miscarriage probable. Blood was drawn and we waited for the results. Strangely, the wait spanned over Mother’s day weekend. Nothing is lonelier than a Mother’s day when you are unsure if you are a mother or not. I cried and cried. I felt I would never heal. I knew I must have done something wrong to cause this. The next day the results were back. A miscarriage was inevitable.

I felt like my world had ended. All of my plans were over. I felt like I would never heal. Luckily, my husband was wise enough to give me space, but still pull me toward God. In church I realized that God’s view of my life was so much clearer than my own. I would always hurt for the child I thought I would carry, but I had faith that God would show me the way.

A few months later, I heard the doctor say that the numbers looked good. I was pregnant! The plans began again. This time with a little sorrow from our loss, but as the days passed, this baby became ours. By the time she was born, I was grateful for the gift of her. I know that if God had given me that first child, we wouldn’t have Maggie. And she is amazing.

I can’t imagine life without any of my girls. I know they were each sent to me in God’s time, not my own. I had plans, but God has wisdom. I will trust in him to provide the answer. I will trust in him to turn my sorrows into joy.

Wise and Loving Father,
Like a child, I try to decide what is best for me. I cry when my plans are foiled, not trusting in your wisdom. You are all knowing and your love for me exceeds all earthly loves. Help me to make plans, but not despair when you lead me a different way.
Amen